everything that i do, reminds me of us, of you.
 how happy we were back then.
 now tell me honey, how can i survive ? what if this still hits me a year later ? 


 the best thing that i love about you is you show me the sweetest part of falling in love.
 but honey, you also show me the worst part of falling in love.
that makes me change my whole perception about 
how wonderful is the meaning of the one word with four letters,


I'm sorry, I let me fall for you
I can erase you and forget you but I can't undo you
You're the hand I can't hold, the words I'm not told when I'm lonely
And I don't want you back, I just want to have what you took from me


as for today, i spent almost 1 hour to keep my jewelry box clean and tidy. i rearranged everything in there and voala, my jewelry box is now clean, updated, tidy and beautipulz. those photos up there are some of my accessories. i quite don't like to wear them, but i like to buy them. because they look so decent and nice. up there, the first photo, is my favourite bracelet. i kept it since i was in standard 4. i bought the original bracelet when i was in London. since then, i kept on buying tiny keychains and  i add them to the bracelet. at first, the bracelet consist only one small keychain, a tiny handbag keychain. And now, after I've add up more keychains on it, it look pretty good. there are keychains from all over the world on that bracelet, some from Vietnam, Japan, Paris, Bangkok and also Malaysia. i named that favourite bracelet of mine as worldwide bracelet because all the keychains on it are from different places in this whole worldwide. 


As i was reminiscing these past few days of mine, i realized that i've had mood swing problems that hit me a lot. Pathetic. I've been crying a lot, faking a smile too much. I broke down at the most wrong time in my life. That makes me hate myself even more. Dear Almighty, i really need a source of strength. Here's to the clarity of what life means truly, and forgetting things which need to be forgotten. Welcome to the real chapter of life dear self. I really should not feel as worst as this, because i know that what i am going through right now is just 1/10 of the chapter of my life. And i cannot force the same people to be with me through all the 10 chapters of my life. If they want to, they will. Head's up!


i just dont know where did all the happiness fly away ?
where did all the love go ?
what happen to us ? 
why aren't you as sad as i am when i look into the situation and states we are in now,
why is it so hard for you to love me like how you did before, 
and why is it so easy for me to miss you more and loves you endlessly.
deep inside i know this is going to end one day. 
what terrified me the most is, would it be a happy ending or a tragic ending ?
if i could turn back the time, i would honey.
i would have change myself to not make mistakes that'll hurt you. 
but sweetie, i am a human. you are too. who are we to not forgive ? to hurt each other intentionally ?
forgive me, we both made mistakes. can we start all over again ? 
i miss you, double A.

What hurts the most, was being so close. And having so much to say, and watching you walk away.
And never knowing, what could have been. And not seeing that loving you, is what i was trying to do.


One fine day, you'll be sitting on a beautiful bench, in the backyard of yours,
watching the sunset with your beloved one,
praying to God and thanking him, for all the problems you had once,
because those problems turns you into whom you are that day. 
Trust me, life is still a long way to go.
Keep on trying, keep on failing.
One problem cannot be solved easily without a huge step of trying, 
and not to forget a high level of courage.
just dont ever give up as success is a very precious gold.
You can keep this word of mine, until the end of your life :)


found this picture when i was drooling the google photos.
one day, just wait, amin :)


How time flies, the first week of December has passed, oh wait, flew just like that. 3 weeks left for holidays. i am not going to brag about how much time left for the free moments of my sweet sixteen life as it'll eventually end me up in tears. so, i do not know how should i react as if to either feel super-excited or damn-sad as 2012 has come to the end. before this, back in time, as far as i'm concern, people were very terrified as 2012 is approaching. damn it man! its the end of the world! and suddenly, this year, yeah, no one gives a "frog".see, humans. cliche stupid assumptions. as for me, 2012 has been the toughest year in my life. my oh my, all the tests that were given from the Almighty came to me one by one. without i'm realizing, many lessons i have learned. truth that was hidden all this while revealed. and, it eventually made me who i am today. the past, the memories and the bad or good tragedy back in time of ours is what makes us today. good or bad, there must be a reason of it. everything happens for a reason dad said. the Almighty never test us beyond our capability. He knows what is the best for us. all we have to do is embrace ourselves and go through the test one by one. 2012 has taught me so much, through every aspects in my life. i have to be careful, i should not trust people easily, i have to study smart instead of hard, and many more. a part of me wants 2012 to end quickly, and another part of me, wants 2012 to stay remains. but who are we to control the time ? we're just human. 2013 is approaching. good luck dear self.


so guess what, i cant sleep. and its 3 am in the morning. i have class at 8 in seremban. i repeat, seremban. it means i have to leave kl early in the morning to arrive there before 8. and i havent sleep. i dont have troubles waking up early in the morning considering the fact that i've slept for only 2 hours. but, i have troubles staying focus in class. no matter i have enough sleep or not. yeah, thats my problem. it is kind of hard to sleep once ive got my laptop on my lap. cause all ill be doing is downloading movies, watching them, crying over the fact that how can they possibly live perfectly while i dont. its kinda pathetic crying over someone who doesnt even know you're exist in this world (like how im obsessed over robert pattinson and GUESS WHAT he.doesnt.even.know.i.exist. huh huh) and i miss anas. yes i have my family, friends and all. i appreciate their existance and appreciate them. but its hard to exactly accept the fact the person you've imagine living forever with, has changed so much...hmm...emotional breakdown here. i wish things are different now. i really hope Allah will show me the right path and makes me stronger. amin. so bye, i wanna continue watching PITCH PERFECT :)

p/s and i wish my bedroom is as cool as this.


Time : 10:05 pm
Wearing : pyjamas (a cute pink polkadot one, heh heh)
Currently : just finished watching football match between malaysia and thailand.

right, my life now is just unfair. it is just so upside down where all the gloomy moods are haunting back to me. problems are knocking the door of my brain.heart is aching. life keeps on hitting me roughly. and i cant lie but im tired of this. and i barely had enough time to keep my blog updated. i just want a better life, amin. i gotta go. need to sleep, because i have class at 8, in seremban. so i have to wake up damn early. i hope i have Allah by my side always. i just have to be brave! heyarghhhh >:D

p/s you know what honey ? yea, i miss you. TROLOLOL, slap me once to wake up and accept the reality. you're NEVER going to read this. im so stress lah like this >:( be strong izleen, be strong. everything that happens, there must be reasons. at least, one reason. 


She made me believe that, age is just a number. Anything that we dream of, If we have a deep interest in it and high spirit, we can pursue our dreams. Yes she's an alien, with great vocals. Man, i love her voice. Did i tell you, she's just 13. Cool isn't she ? Ive made her as my idol. Not because of her singing talent but because of the spirit that she has in herself despite her young age. And, her singing talent, for someone at her age is just, adorable, amazing. Even if she does not win in the X-Factor competition, she've achieved something very very high at her age. Her mum and dad must be proud of her. If she can, why can't I ?


Life is certainly a ride. There are times where you are up, and sometimes you are down. Your dreams and wishes will collide, choices have to be made. What you must prepare for yourself is wisdom and maturity. Right choices will lead you to somewhere you would love. wrong choices still can be made, and be improved by you sooner or later, but why waste time when right decisions are right in front of you ? As time passes by, wether i realize or not, i will be facing the end of my high school next year. My oh my, how time drifts. The phrase time flies is just invalid to me now as drifing is faster than flying. I really need to start making up tough decision starting from now and soon as if where to pursue my dreams, what will i be ten years from now, who will i spend the rest of my life with, what kind of life do i want in the future and the toughest question for me by now is, in which field will i continue my studies in. As for now, i have a very deep interest in maths and addmaths. They're hell fun. They give me satisfaction that other subjects didn't give me. So by this my dad concludes that i can sort of push myself into some account course or whatever courses that is related to mathematics. But at the same time, writing and talking - as if in debating, public speaking - gives me a whole lot more satisfaction, and entertainment too. So by now, i can roughly plan in which courses will i pursue into, wether in something related to maths, or language.  So i hope i can improve my skills in both. And not to forget, i need to work hard. For the 9A+s that i totally yearn for. 

Embrace yourself people, life is going to treat you rough and spin you around, worse than a five star roller coaster that you've ride. 




Women is just so weird and unique. They can be as tough as titanium at one point, and at one point another, as weak as jelly. Its a universal truth. We, women, has a fragile heart. Its hard for guys to understand us, seriously. Guess what, my parents have been married for like how many years, 31 years i see, but still, just about a simple matter that my mum brought up, and my dad couldnt understand her message very well, a fight could have just occurred in between them. Women think about everything till deep down of the earth, we take things seriously-not that im saying guys take things for granted- but we believe that everything is important. And that attitude of us some sort of clashes with guy's opinion, thoughts and attitude. As far as im concern guys take things seriously, too, but the differences is, between guys and women, guys dont brag about every matter. They act cool, settles the problem, and thats it. Unlike us women, we love to brag. About everything, straight from the tiniest problem untill the biggest problem of ours. Take it or leave it, accept the fact, that woman is just so hard to be understood. We send mix messages just to show how pissed we are, but at the end of the day, we're broken hearted due to our own doings. I wish to be a matured woman. A woman who faces problems carefully yet, maturedly. I want to become an idol to people out there. I dont want to be an emo-swinging-all-the-time girl no more. I want people to look at me and believe that nothing is impossible, i want to become like her too one day. im not gonna give up on this wish of mine. i want to become a woman that someone else can rely on- as if my family, friends, lover. This might be too early but, hey, i found my new year's resolution already. Pray for me.


Im taking a break from settling my homeworks down. Hands up, brain freezes, i just need a break,desperately though. At this point of hour, i am solemnly sure that everyone's busy keeping up with their own affairs, let it be then. I am not a directioner, nor a believer. But man, their heart-breaking-goddamn-sweet-songs are just invading my head and brain. As far as im concern about their latest song, i noticed two sweet songs of them that just literally make myself melts. Its the little things and be alright. It is so sweet how the little things lyrics went on. It is about how a guy whom can notice about all his girl's slightest littlest habits of theirs but despite of all that, he still loves her. Lucky  one direction's  girlfriends. They might just die straight after they sing a lullaby for them. Idk im still hoping jelena to get back together. But their break isnt as heartbreaking as zanessa (zac and vanessa) man when they broke up i was like...."idk what love is man?". Till then.

P/s thanks for introducing this song for me, love :)


Hoping that the one that im with now accepts my flaws too.


Happy one year and nine months Anas Azfar, 
Love, Nur Izleen :)


This is the result for the two days cleaning up room session. Not much different though, its just that ive been throwing like half of my unused stuffs, i feel so much better.


Again, im finding my way back to blogging. Im a completely different person now. Before, i was a teenager which totally relying my life on social networks. Hell it, i was completely attached to them-facebook, twitter, tumblr, instagram. My goodness, i cant imagine myself for the past few years, i was a maniac i tell you. My life before revolves in those virtual world. Fake peoples, fake feelings there-not all but most i see. Everything that im about to do, i am doing, i did, was written publicly there. Everything. When i have problems, it was social network that i looked for. I exposed my relationship there, my daily activities there. Enough of that, ive came up to the point where thats it, im leaving them all behind. I cant live in that kind of way for the entire of my life. Im uncontrollable. And guess what ? Ive been living without them all peacefully, alhamdulillah for this two months. Its clear to me now that, they all, isnt the main source of my happiness. Instead, my family is, my true friend is, my lover is, and my One and Only, Allah, is the source of happiness. Ive realized now that there are just too many obligations that i have to carry on behind my shoulder as i grow older, and yea, i dont need another medium that will eventually lead me to procastination and distracts my mere concentration. I need to concentrate on one main thing now, the almost-near-to-the-toughest test of my life, SPM. Study hard, pray hard, thats it. I decided to continue blogging because i writing seems to give satisfication to me-despite the fact that i have my mom and dad here, as well as anas, i still need to brag about a lots of stuffs which i just cant directly tell them, they are busy. So, i decided to blog again. Oh well. My blog is also unknown i think. I didnt tell anyone about me having a blog again. If you are reading this anyone, lucky you then.


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